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3 Levels of Playerism
Editorial Opinion
Printable Version
Are there 'Players' in the Christian church?
We all know some guy or girl whose life was utterly changed
after meeting someone who 'blew their mind' and now their nose
is 'wide open'. And, as hard as they try, they can't seem to
let this person go, even though it costs them money, sleep and
wasted time. In this article, we expose these 'players' for
what they are, identifying the three levels of 'playerism',
tactics and techniques of the player and ways to avoid falling
into their traps!
First, who are these 'players?. I define players as those who
are doing just that - playing. They play at relationships,
they play at commitment and they play with your time. They are
not serious, they are not likely to get serious any time soon and
simply enjoy the game too much to ever fully give it up. There
are three levels of players in the dating game:
1. 'Dog' - Yes, I know this term is offensive to many,
but more offensive than that is how the 'dog' treats his or
her conquests. A 'dog' is a player who will date anybody, at
any time, under any circumstances. Morals? Values? Forget it.
The 'dog' will take advantage or your feelings, your best
friend's feelings and then hit on your mom or dad. Most
'dogs' are always broke and always looking for a 'come up'. A
'dog' is to be avoided at all costs. Signs that an individual
is a 'dog':
| a. |
They ask you to dance and
if you say no, they ask your friend; |
| b. |
Their pager or phone rings off the hook; |
| c. |
They are always checking other people out when you are
together; |
| d. |
They have several 'baby mamas' or 'baby daddies'; |
|
e. |
They have no particular 'type'
- they think short or tall,
big or small and everything in between is fine. |
2. 'Player' - The 'Player' has gone beyond the level of 'dog'.
They have developed a little more discretion in their dating
choices and can afford to be a little more choosy. As a
result, the 'Player' often dates nice-looking men or women or
someone with money. The 'Player' has
acquired a few toys, has a nice car or a nice body, which he or she
will use to part you from your time, your money, or sexual
abstinence. They are not ready to settle down and will only give
vague responses when asked when their last long-term
relationship was. 'Players', though nice company, are
a waste of time and should be avoided. Signs that an
individual is a player:
| a. |
Their phone or pager
vibrates constantly (they've learned how to be quiet about
their other men or women); |
| b. |
They say things like 'I
want to settle down when the time is right' (translation -
no time soon and not with you!); |
| c. |
They will take you out to
nice places or make you a nice dinner, but they always
expect something in return; |
| d. |
They are very casual about
when they can see you again (because their schedule is
filled with other people and other events); and |
| e. |
They respond to your
declaration of love with 'I care about you as well. But I
told you I wasn't ready to settle down' and then hope that
you never bring it up again! |
3. 'Mack' - The 'Mack' has mastered the dating game. He or she
is 'sharp' and well-dressed at all times. They have a nice
houses, nice cars, and they usually have outstanding
personalities. They have an inflated sense of their own
self-worth and will remind you of it every chance they get. They are
charming, sincere, but non-committal. 'Macks' are the most
problematic of all the players, because they fool you into
thinking you are 'special'. And you feel 'special' until you realize
they treat everyone else the same way, too! Have fun, go out on a couple of
dates, but forget about long-term commitment with the 'Mack'.
Signs that an individual is a 'Mack: '
| a. |
You are never sure where their
cell phone or pager is (they have discreetly turned it off or
placed it in another room to avoid detection); |
| b. |
They have always been left
heartbroken by some other relationship, which is why they can't
commit to you; |
| c. |
You can rarely catch up with them
(after all, when they are with someone else, their cell phone or pager is turned off to you as well!); |
| d. |
They always behave as if going
out with them is an honor; and |
| e. |
They say things like 'I really
care about you', but their real philosophy is 'out of sight, out
of mind.' |
How can you avoid these players and
beat them at their own game? Easy - spend a lot of time when you
first meet someone carefully evaluating their statements. Ask
yourself these questions - When was the last time they were in a
serious relationship? How many children do they have (and by how many different people)? How do they feel
about marriage? How often do they call or spend time with you?
And definitely don't rely just on what comes out their mouths -
look at their behavior as well. Do these individuals call when they
say they will? Do they schedule 'prime time' with you (6:00 p.m. on
weekdays or afternoon/early evening hours on the weekend)? Or do
they call you only during the 'booty call' hours (9:00 p.m. on weekdays
and even later on the weekends)? I know it's hard to realize
that someone you care about may not care as much about you,
but it's better to face the truth now than pay the
consequences later.
If your main squeeze is failing to
show signs of being a commitment-minded, Christian-led individual,
then let him or her go. Right now! And learn from your mistakes.
Know that your true love is out there, somewhere, and this person will not play
games to win your heart. Keep praying, keep going to church and keep
talking to God and you can avoid all the traps of
the Christian 'Player'!
What do you think about this article?
Rebuttal
I applaud what I believe the intent of this
article is: The outing of those men in our society who would use
divisive means to achieve their less than commendable goal. My
issues with this article are simple. Just because a man has multiple
children is not a true litmus test to his dog-ness or not. If you
have had pre-marital sex you have committed the same offenses he
has, maybe you were just not blessed with a child. Maybe he took a
stand as a man and didn't try to buy "false freedom" for 350.00 and
a lifetime of regret for her. The true test is: "Does he take care
of his children?" Don't point the finger or wave the holier than
though cross because a man has kids, unless you know the whole
story.
I believe the advice about getting to know someone is crucial and I
am glad to see it represented. I would also like to make a small
note on the idea of truth. Are you seeing it. . .If you and someone
are dating then respect it for what it is, just dating. I believe
the problem lies in the fact that people don't listen . . .really
listen. Not to what your heart is saying but what the person is
telling you both audibly and physically. If they say I care about
you but I am not ready to settle down, ACCEPT THAT and realize:He's
not that into you. Don't drag yourself through months of turmoil and
angst. Let your soul be hurt and heal and then move on.
Don't hate the playa hate the game.
Ervin D. Fowlkes Jr.
former Mack/Player
IMT Studios
"Web Design with a Purpose"
313.215.2141 mobile
www.imtstudios.com
Author's Note
I think it's interesting that everyone who has
commented on this article (through email or in person) has assumed
this article is only speaking about men. 'Players' can be both
male and female and both sexes are equally guilty of playing games
with members of the opposite sex. Judge for yourself, but for
all those 'players' out there, try honesty - clearly state your
intentions to the person you are dating. We could all use a little
bit more candor in our communications with one another. And
don't you owe that to your Christian brother or sister? And, for
those that have been taken in by 'player' tactics, try, try again
and keep your faith where it belongs - in God. Be Blessed!
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