Articles

Stop Being Judgemental!

Part 2

This insight, though humbling, was also enlightening.  I discovered that I had some nasty perfectionistic tendencies and that these were not only crippling me, but hindering my friendships as well.  Who wanted to be friends with a judgmental know-it-all?  Not many people, believe me.  However, in the final analysis, discovering I was as flawed as I was actually liberating!  By acknowledging to myself that I was less than perfect, it gave me the freedom to be less harsh on myself and on others.  I realized that it had been hard work all those years to be everybody’s critic.  And I realized most of my criticism was simply a cover-up for the flaws within myself that I so desperately wanted to hide from other people.  Better to point out other people’s mishaps or lapses in judgment than to be called out for being the imperfect being that I was. 

             So how did I get over being judgemental?  Through reminding myself daily of the downfalls of being judgmental – it was not Christ-like, it was unseemly and it made me a more unpleasant person to be around.  And then I taught myself some effective strategies to avoid passing judgement on others.  First, I took my eyes off people and put it back where it belonged – on God.  Sometimes, during church service (a cornucopia of human faults and fashion mistakes), I would literally force myself to stare at the ceilings, the windows or the balcony until I could bring my attention away from people and back to the service.  I stopped scanning the audience to see who was wearing what or who was sitting with whom (admit it – you do it, too!).  And then I learned how to stop talking about people – I just stopped!  I would be in a conversation with a friend about a mutual friend and the minute he or she would say something like, ‘did you see that guy she brought to church?’ I would stop the conversation.  I would pause, say, hmm and change the topic.  I refused to let something negative or judgmental come out of my mouth.  As a final countermeasure to the random judgmental thoughts that would come into my head, I learned how to think positive things about people!  I would see a woman on the street and think what a lovely color dress she was wearing.  Or I would see a man cutting me off on the freeway and think, what a nice car he’s driving (okay, I don’t really think that, but at least I stopped mentally blessing him out!).  And it worked.  The more I trained my mind and mouth to do better, the better they did!

             You too can follow my program and get better results out of your friendships and conversations!  And, as an extra incentive, by not being so quick to voice your opinion, you can avoid the ‘foot-in-mouth’ syndrome.  This is where you spend five minutes talking about someone and then spend five hours apologizing to that person because your conversation leaked out!  And, by learning how to think positively about other people, you will actually start to feel more positive about other people. Your perception is truly defined by what you think.  If, every time you see a little old granny in the slow lane driving a 1980 Buick, you think, ‘she’s too old to be driving’, you will forever hold grannies in Buicks in low regard.  But, if you instead think about how brave she is for taking on the onerous drivers on the road, you will position yourself to be kinder to her and have compassion for her slower reflex times or decreased ability to see you swerving across the freeway to avoid getting stuck behind her.  And, as a final bonus to becoming less judgmental, you will attract people who are less judgmental as well!  Suddenly, your friends will be more positive, your family will be more positive and, if you ever get out of line and revert back to your old ways, you will always have someone around to correct you!

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