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Overcoming Struggles With School
By Violet T. Barry
Printable Version
I struggle with institutionalized learning. I realized that I
have a short attention span when it comes to subject matters that I
feel do not equip me with practical everyday knowledge that can
promote revolution in my community. It’s not surprising that I have
been struggling with whether or not I am college material. Even
though I graduated from high school 11 years ago at the top 10% of
my graduating class as an honors magnet student, it meant very
little to me because it was during some of the darkest years in my
teenage life. In a matter of fact, I was rarely present at school
during my high school years.
I had planned on dropping out of high school during my 9th grade
year. It had gotten to the point where I did not sleep at night and
was on my toes trying to be prepared for what I might have to go
through in the late night hours. The top graduating students of my
class stepped in and took a special liking to me after I told them
off about how stuck up and arrogant I thought they were. They
started meeting me in the evenings at a private library and giving
me my homework assignments and project information. I would only
show up to do my presentations and take major exams. Everything else
was turned in, on my behalf, through one of them.
While one group of people in my life told me that I was wasting my
time trying to compete with nerds, the same group of nerds was
encouraging me to not quit school and that I could still graduate
with a high grade point average if I applied myself. It seems that I
have always been at war with street smarts and book smarts. There
was a part of me that wanted to be in the streets and there was a
part of me that wanted to have education and use it to take me
further in life. Obviously, the desire to be in the streets was
greater than my desire for collegiate learning as eventually I would
have walked away from my scholarship my junior year in college at
the age of 19.
This week as classes ended for this semester in college, I informed
my professors that I may not be returning to school this Fall.
Separately, both were shocked and unacceptable of the idea of me
dropping out. It’s strange to me how they both said that they saw
graduate student material in me and that one day I would have a
doctoral degree. In high school, the security guards would open up
the gates in the morning and let me drive off of school grounds as
long as I showed my progress reports and report cards to them which
was impressive for a non-attending student!
I thought school was a joke. Truly I did. It was harder to stay
alive at school than it was to learn! We were getting shot at by
gangs and drug dealers and each other and always rioting and
fighting or protesting something. It was more like being a part of a
revolution than being at an educational institution. My senior year
of school, two of my teachers changed my schedule off the records so
that I could leave school at lunch time. All I had to do was show my
face in the morning and they would mark me present. They just wanted
to know that I was alive and keeping up with the school work even
though I was never in class. They weren’t sure about what was going
on in my personal life but they were willing to take a chance to
invest in me.
I can now see how all of my activism and earnest desires for
societal and community change in my younger years has come back full
circle. God has been using my strengths to do work for his kingdom
and I am overjoyed that he is using me to help, especially with me
being a babe in Christ. A year ago, I was the head secretary over a
small division in a department. I thought I would retire with my
previous bosses and live a comfortable life. Then God moved me and
shook me to the point where although he moved me to the apex, I am
at the bottom all over again and there is no way out of where he
placed me except through college and his grace and decision to move
me elsewhere in life. Literally, I am completely uncomfortable where
I am and want out!
While I’ve been talking to myself about college, instead of God, the
Holy Spirit keeps telling why college is important and vital to what
the Lord wants to do for the body of Christ in today’s society. I
truly believe that this time I might actually finish college and may
even go on to grad school because I know that this time around it’s
God who has been pushing me and challenging me to go higher and do
more so that I can get to where he needs me to be so he can use me
as an instrument to promote change and growth in the world.
Sometimes the Lord calls us to do things that we might not see
ourselves capable of doing but he does and he puts it in the hearts
of others to see the capabilities in us, too. If you have been
encouraged by someone along the way, pray for that person and thank
God for their obedience to speak positive things into your life.
Now, the next question is whether or not you have encouraged others,
especially our youth. If you have not already done so, you need to
pray about it and ask God how you can help make an impact on the
life of others who may need a word from him through you. We need to
collectively invest in each other and help raise up the next
generation of Christians and help usher them into their destiny with
Christ. Don’t just be a taker, be a giver and sincere seed planter
in the lives of others.
Violet T. Barry is the President of Holy Jamz, the
Leading Voice for Today's Young and Urban Christian Community.
Printable Version
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